i'm just saying.

If you ever find yourself tossing and turning at 1:00 am, whatever you do, don't turn on the TV.

Because if you turn on the TV, you might find a show called, I Survived.

And after watching it for about twenty seconds, you'll be hooked.

And once you're hooked, you won't be able to change the channel, no matter how violent and nightmarish it becomes.

And your heart will begin to race with anxiety.

And you'll check the locks on your doors during every commercial break.

As well as your kids.

Which might wake one of them up.

And they'll climb into bed with you.

Then, once the show is over, you'll turn off the TV and try to fall asleep.

But, you won't be able to.

Because you're three year old is kicking you in the back and because you're scared.

And every sound you hear will startle you.

And you'll swear an ax murderer is hiding in your house.

So you'll make your husband get up and check every room.

And closet.

And he'll do it because he loves you (or at least that's how you'll guilt him into doing it.)

But he won't be happy.

Of course, no one is in your house.

It's all in your head.

So, you'll try to fall asleep.

But you'll just lay there.

Tossing and turning.

Right back where you started.

Except now, you only have 3 hours until you need to wake up.

And you'll probably have nightmares.


Not that it's ever happened to me.

I'm just saying.